Goodness, just WHERE does the time go?

It’s been almost a full month since my last post, and we’ve already begun another year. As you might imagine, I’ve been rather distracted, but here’s the Sparknotes version of where I’ve been:

I finished up the semester with my sanity hanging on by a thread, so most of this “break” has been spent recalibrating and readjusting to a life without the strains of school. Which, you know, I start again in just two short weeks, but that’s life.

I’ve been travelling quite a bit – San Antonio for some family relaxation, Mississippi and Georgia for the holidays, and my usual traipses around town and surrounding areas for this and that. I started to get back on a gym schedule, but after I was hit by an intestinal virus I’ve missed a bit more than I should have. Life goes on.

So that’s me—what about my kilts? Have they been accompanying me on my journeys and misadventures? You bet they have, including a frigid, snowy holiday season in Atlanta—the first Christmas snow they’ve had since 1882. I’ll be honest, I had to break out the thermals for that adventure, but once I pulled up my knee-length socks I didn’t feel too ashamed. I was actually asked at lunch yesterday (here in town, where it’s still chilly) how I typically combat the cold and my response was “practice,” but if it’s snowing and windy I have no qualms with bundling up my down-under.

I’m sure that you’re just as eager as I am to see some new pictures up here, given my recent prolonged absence, so I’ll share a couple from my San Antonio trip about two weeks back that were taken on the River Walk. If you’re not familiar with the city, San Antone’s a pretty big deal to us Texans, what with the Alamo and all, but I’d encourage anyone with a sense of adventure or a need for relaxation and sight-seeing to check out the River Walk (http://www.thesanantonioriverwalk.com/). Built around the banks of the San Antonio River is a pretty lengthy walkway studded with shop after restaurant after historic feature after hotel. It’s a surprisingly clean place (they flush the river yearly—if I’m not mistaken, this happens around February, so March wouldn’t be a bad time of year to mosey on over and have a good time) and there is PLENTY to do. My numero uno selling point is the food. If you like Mexican food or Tex-Mex, you’ll be satisfied, but thirsts from around the world can easily be quenched there, as my party found out at MadDog’s British Pub.


Not only was I pleasantly surprised by the quality of their food—and vegetarian options, no less—but I thoroughly enjoyed the wait staff’s appreciation for unbifurcated living. That’s right, they were ALL kilted—and not just the blokes; even the ladies sported mini-kilts, which, if you’ve never seen one in action, can be pretty sexy. I was told that the kilts featured at this restaurant were made in Europe from skilled craftsmen, and I even got to try one on: they sell the garments right across from the bar, and I was about to fork up the cash after trying on a very elegant, blue-hued plaid kilt, but I found out that I’m spoiled enough on the Utilikilt’s 360˚ pleats to settle for nothing less than perfect comfort. However, if it had been just an inch or two longer, I may have let my eager waitress make the sale for the sake of spicing up my wardrobe with some plaid.

In the meantime, I was sure to get a shot with some of the guys working the floor that night—the gentleman on the far right is wearing the tartan I was going for, and you can see that they get creative with some camo from the guy in the middle.




Well, I think that about wraps up today’s post (which, I promise, will be followed soon by more.) Here are some things you can look forward to next time around: dyeing your kilt to resurrect its old self; footwear and how to rock your socks in a kilt; and maybe a few other surprises. Meanwhile, keep it free, and don’t work too hard!

The Leather of Legend...

I have heard stories of a mythical kilt fit for Hephaestus' relentless toiling with fire and iron, a garment so hardcore, so manly, and so utterly awe-inspiring that Odin shed from his sacrificed eye a single tear of admiration when the garment was first completed. This mingling of pleats and power became known as the legendary Leather Utilikilt, and it was thought to have vanished from this world with the cessation of its production so many moons ago...

...until NOW.


You could imagine my excitement at having the honor of seeing one of these beauties, discontinued for an undisclosed amount of time at UKHQ. Luckily, I was introduced to one of the famed kilts and its owner, a new friend of mine who was fortunate enough to procure one a few years back, and I got to see it in action at the gathering where we met.



I'll try my best to let the awesomeness speak for itself, but if you've been reading for any period of time, you know I have to throw in my praise. Apart from the thousand-and-one hardships this garment can withstand given the durable nature of leather, it is also quite insulating. On the particular night I was introduced to its wearer - who, by the way, is active in the Society for Creative Anachronism, a testament to longevity of medieval proportions itself - it was particularly chilly outside, and he was without a worry in his cozy leather leg-tent. That is normally one of the only downfalls of living a kilted life: the cold can be bitter, unless you're a mind-over-matter kind of guy (as I claim to be, when my Texan genes aren't screaming "You're from the south and you suck at winter - get yer ass inside!") Usually I find that a nice, long pair of socks fixes the problem and rather detracts from the overall cold, but we'll see whether or not I'm forced to invest in a pair of long-johns this season.



One of the advantages of my Survival, though, was the ample pocket space. I think my friend was just as excited about my kilt as I was about his. At any rate, one of the only downsides of the Leather model was the lack of storage space - notice the sporran (granted, he pulls it off nicely, and part of me thinks it adds some measure of character and tradition.) If I'm not mistaken, it comes with one back pocket for billfolds or cigarettes or what have you.



And of course, what's a kilted gathering without hammer and claymore? (Why I've seemingly begun to stick out my tongue is beyond me. Perhaps I was trying to satiate a subconscious need to taste the awesomeness drenching the atmosphere of the room.)

I figured at the time this photo was taken that it might present a little too much testosterone for some readers, so I made sure to include the following:


Nothing like a cute little puppy to help calm things down. That flash almost ruined the opportunity... lucky you, eh?

So now that that's all said and done, any guesses as to how much a leather kilt would go for? Last time I checked, they had been asking about $800 per Utilikiltarian, but at one time they may have been as low as $700. Again, they're off the market (for now), so until production begins again we can't know for sure. I'd be interested to see if any improvements are added or if anything changes. Meanwhile I'm happy with my collection so far. Speaking of which, I'm planning to dye my black Original soon, so expect some before-and-after shots so you can get a good comparison of what a year-and-a-half's worth of wear-and-tear will do to the color (I don't think I've ever used that many hyphenated phrases in a single sentence before.)

I'll leave you with a token of my allegiance to They Who Clothe Me, who also sell many other garments, if you're interested in showing some spirit but maybe can't afford a kilt just yet. I believe the hoodie I'm wearing goes for $32 without shipping, but you're welcome to browse their site again and find out for yourself.



See you next time, and let the legend be remembered!

Texas Renaissance Festival

So it's been a couple weekends since I went to the Texas Renaissance Festival in Plantersville, TX, and if you're not familiar with such events, it can be a drag having to return home afterward. Rarely are you able to find such a diverse conglomeration of people, festivities, vendors, and foods, so if you haven't been there, you need to get your arse in gear! Not to mention there's no shortage of kilt vendors at any given fair: I actually worked at a Utilikilts booth at the Norman, OK Medieval Faire earlier this year, and last summer I visited Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie, TX - my first experience at such a venue - where kilts abounded. Granted, most of the kilts you'll see are modeled after the traditional plaid fashion, but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still looking to get my family's tartan in a traditional wool kilt one I have enough funding (and a reputable source.)

Anyway, TRF is still going on and will continue every weekend through November 28. Check out their website here, and pay special attention to the admission fees and discounts – if you buy a weekend package, it’s much cheaper than paying by the day (not to mention you get to spend more time there), and if you buy tickets at local venues (like select grocers) it’s significantly cheaper as well.

Of course, I was faced with my usual dilemma of being the guy with the camera, and there weren’t many mirrors handy, so most of my photographic documentation did not include me or my kilt, but I managed to hand off the camera to another party member quickly enough to get a couple snapshots. I think we were in the “gardens” at this point, giving me plenty of statues to pose next to. I chose an elephant. Why not?





Like I said, there was no shortage of traditional-style kilts (I think I only saw one or two other Utilikiltarians: one was drawing money from an ATM, otherwise I would’ve stopped him and asked for a photo to prove it. I figured against potentially freaking him out while he grabbed his cash.) Anywho, the bloke in the following photos is a member of an awesome band called Tartanic. They blend some new vibes into some traditional tunes, and they are pretty hardcore when it comes to pleasing their audience. I was told after leaving this show that this fellow removed his shirt to reveal washboard abs, much to the delight of the ladies in the crowd, while the rest of us men-folk were ogling the scantily-clad wenches selling CDs. Talk about smart advertising.





If you want to check them out, you can find their website here. They're a lot of fun, especially in an intimate setting like Renaissance festivals, so I'll repeat it again: if you get a chance to go, GO!

Now, having given credit where it is due, I'd like to point out a simple comparison: note the sporran (the little bag-thingy hanging in front of the piper's kilt.) Note how you don't need one of those in a Utilikilt, given the ample pocket space available. Granted, it does add an element of traditional neatness, but I think it'd get old quick having a bag of junk swinging in front of your... um... bag of junk. All the same, freedom is freedom, and every man has his favorite flavor (speaking of flavors, if you like mead, you MUST go to TRF and sample the mead from one of the permanent vendors. Be prepared to spend $52 on a bottle of ambrosia. Luckily I turned 21 the weekend before this event, so I am able to boast my first purchase of an alcoholic beverage as mead at a Renaissance festival. But don't drink, kids, 'cause that's bad!)

That about wraps things up here. See you folks at the next update! And drop me a comment every once in awhile so I can quit pretending like people actually read this and start believing it ;)

Some Serious Cleaning

Unfortunately, one of the only things the Utilikilt does not come equipped with is a protective mask (for the face, anyway), and for a guy as allergy-ridden as me, a chore as simple as mowing the lawn or cleaning out the shed certainly necessitates the use of such a device.

I personally think the kilt just adds another measure of badassedness to it. I could sense the dust mites trembling with fear at my approach... In all honesty, though, if I can't at least breathe without assistance from something attached to my face, I will certainly take advantage of letting the important bits breathe by wearing proper kilted attire. 'Nuff said.

Lucy Got Some 'Splainin To Do

Remember how I mentioned the start of the school year as a great opportunity to keep sharing the love in the blogosphere?


Next time I say something like that, feel free to slap me. Between Shakespeare, the French language, and Russian literature, I have very little downtime. The logical thing to do, then, would be to further burden myself with responsibilities in six different student organizations, right? Apparently that's what I thought was the best plan, and as you can see, the journaling has suffered.

But quite a bit has happened between my last post and this one - the beginning of a new semester, a twenty-first birthday, and a trip to the Texas Renaissance Festival, to name only a few - so I do have some things to share, and hopefully they will reflect a return to regular updates.

I still have the problem of being the photographer: inevitably, it is difficult to take pictures of one's self, and I really never think to say "Hey stranger, would you mind snapping a few photos of me in my kilt?" I'm sure plenty of people do, but unfortunately it ain't on my camera.

So, without further ado (is that right? Ado?), the blog returns.

AWOK (Kilt, of Course)

You might be wondering why I've been so quiet lately, and I have a very somber reason (get the tissue boxes reasy, cause it's a tear-jerker): I haven't been able to wear my gear as often as I'd like to recently, and you have to realize that "as often as I'd like to" means every moment of every day that I'm not naked.

Obviously, I still sport my kilts most of the time, but the few times I am unable are for reasons I really can't argue with. I teach yoga at a local studio, and as much as I want to encourage freedom, downward dog is not the place to do it, especially since it's a beginner's class and I don't want to scare anyone away. The only other time I have to grin and bear the discomfort is at the gym, a place I've seen a lot of lately. Innevitably I'll coordinate my errands with being out in town, so I have to shame myself in public by wearing pants - I'm just waiting for the day that some person runs up behinds me and "pants" me in public, just so I can stand there and enjoy the brief moment of freedom before pulling them back up to avoid public indecency charges...

Anywho, the lack of 24/7 kilt-wearing is the disappointing reason behind my laack of posts, in addition to my lack of a cameraman. It never occurs to me when I'm out with my friends to say "Hey, let's get a shot of us all - be sure to get my kilt in the photo." You see, it's become such a natural thing to me that it never seems to warant a spontaneous photograph, but for your blog-reading pleasure, this is my promise to try to keep the pictures coming, at least as often as I'm able to give you a written update. Come on, that's what you're really here for, right? The killer photos? (Speaking of which, if you just want to browse through some badass imagery, navigate over to the Utilikilts website and they've got more pictures than you can shake a fist at.)

So that's to let you know I'm still alive, and hopefully as the school year starts up, I'll have more opportunities to share the love. Peace, my friends.

Staircase of Doom

I can understand cutting some corners when it comes to realizing a budget, but whether it was for financial purposes or for reasons unknown, the previous owners of the house I live in thought it necessary to make a last-minute change on their floorplans, with specific regard to a staircase leading to a one-room second floor (or first floor, for all the Europeans out there.)

In retrospect, it seems like the stairwell in question was originally designed to house a spiral staircase, given the extremely limited space available. But for some reason - again, I'm unclear as to whether it was a money-pinching fix, a last-minute "oops, we did that wrong" kind of solution, or just poor judgement in the first place - the previous owners who presumably built the place decided to nix the spiral steps and install a normal stair instead, allowing a whole SIX INCHES of tread width per step.

To put that number in perspective, I believe the average stair width is about nine inches; any less can prove particularly dangerous, as our model certainly did. What's worse, some genius decided to carpet the stairs, detracting even more from the already scarce stepping room - to a guy with feet as big as mine, that's basically a death trap. (And it's true what they say about guys with big feet: they fall harder when they trip down the stairs. All that room under the kilt is actually for strategic parachuting purposes.)

Given the present danger, something had to be done (now that we've been living here for eleven years, of course - some projects sit on the back burner until they boil over) before it became a literal stairway to heaven; injuries have already ensued. It was time for remodelling, and time for me to break out the Workman's to aid comfort in repair.



I would've taken some before-and-after shots, but I figure my handiwork speaks for itself. Of course, when I say "my" I mean "our," as I had help with the project, otherwise it couldn't be finished in the five or six days we worked on it. Anyway, we tore up the carpet and replaced it with hardwood, alotting a bit more space for stepping, but we also extended the tread another couple of inches to give more foot room on the way up - it's no different coming down, but you can't expect perfection when fixing someone else's mistakes. Besides, it looks pretty awesome, if you ask me.



Also, more importantly than the finished product, I felt pretty badass with a pneumatic staple gun, which came in handy when the Russian spies showed up to steal our floor plan. When they saw I was wearing a kilt, they backed off immediately, aware of their instantaneous inferiority. Oh, and sorry for the delayed post: things have been busy lately, lots of home-improvement projects like this going on, but you can bet I'm the most comfortable handyman around.